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The proper way to beat your children

Jan 19, 2011|

TNT discuss a new way to raise children. And, it doesn't sound like a lot of fun...for the kid, anyway.

Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

Amy -- talks about threatening to burn her kids stuffed animals any thing to punish summer to intimidate them into doing their homework and excelling. It's a boat. The external person IE war results you get in the world we are totally fixated on the internal person we're so busy. Trying to make sure the no damage. Takes place to. As a result of our parenting to the internal child does some very poignant. Is doing that you lose sight of what I think is one of the first principles of parroting that is you have to try to instill notwithstanding the culture. And the messaging that's all around you you have to try to instill. The understanding that. How -- work. Leads to success yes and that that this is hard for us is that gonna discipline every day. They have to Canada it's like making a very small deposit in the bank account every day. And at the end of a long road he'll look back in to say while this has been a diamond drilling in her death. It's hard for us to connect to because I think it's so unreal how -- flown we have to live. And how much we have as a culture which will be the challenge for these extraordinarily successful. Chinese kids are -- kids who as they lay in ruin their kids I work as they get -- affluence and -- it will be I guess I'll call the second or perhaps through generation challenge. Of affluence and achievement and success and -- the expectation -- You know Amy's gonna go to Milton Academy and then she'll go off to Princeton and then she'll play at the conservatory. And Amy sand screwed this stuff you gotta be can remain I want -- play tennis of my friends Momcilo I don't give. The benefits first and then we have -- -- thought their kids don't listen to us. It sure was daughters balked at their mother's relentless pressure to prefer perfect musical piece. The girls were allowed to choose between pea piano and violin and daily practice sessions warped -- three hours. That you are used methods that she claims came right out of the Chinese smothering toolbox food deprivation. Verbal abuse. Barring bathroom breaks and take a deep breath. Threatening to burn the children's stuffed animals or donate a treasured doll house to the Salvation Army moved. Nothing in the writing suggest this was a joke the over two girls now presumably teenagers. We're stand out. Standouts academically musically with her oldest girl even once performing in Carnegie Hall perjure -- in tactics. Revolted countless leaders including me the writer of this -- sure if I can stay without hesitation that you wise not to typical Chinese mother okay. Here's a question is there some truth in this that we have to learn. As a culture and is there anything wrong with doing those things is there's something wrong with making your kids suffer. For failing to achieve or is that good because you are actually. Replicating real life so they learn having -- And real life and it is the other side of the coin Dodd of thought you know holding. Hugging the encouraging subsidize. Things. The the other other things that has to be a and about a combination of punishment to -- what I mean if his son a daughter. Is. You know it is soon violent. Or offensive in language to their Brothers and sisters or to their classmates are edited teacher. You have to take some steps aren't a lot of modern parents say oh it's a timeout. Can you send Johnny over to the corner and cheer whatever. It wasn't that long ago and we you know we talk about her from time to time corporal punishment should lay. As he imposed by parents who was so -- -- it was an all blog post -- star for bad behavior being you don't get dinner. In modern western culture it just sounds so harsh I like your being cruel on. But it's it's much more common than you would think I mean I think it's quite typical in immigrant found least. But it's sealed an immigrant comments on the southern social class usually and because it came over to be skilled workers are graduate students. So abusive parenting is this abuse of parroting first off to deny things to threaten to burn things to. Basically -- verbally abuse harangued. -- whatever you have to do to your kids to get them to be achievers. They were never allowed to attend a sleepover. Have a play -- -- a school play complain about not being in the school play it watch TV or play computer games. She's there and extracurricular activities get any great less than an -- not be the number one student in every subject except human drama. Play any instant on the piano or violin not play the piano or violin. What's your position on the while while well I like the -- well that are -- How how -- about -- with that I like the focus on the academics I like the folks the focus on extracurricular activities are a little. Out of little lump put off by the notion that either athletics -- drop box. Don't rush -- don't meet the box I think almost any extracurricular activity. That this destruction there's a discipline. Above and beyond the academic the issue is how you push the achievement don't know what the techniques that are used to to drive a kid to excel. I would argue accepting of those techniques against comfortable with the idea of threatening of burning territories -- -- go to and -- Salvation Army you go to bed without dinner tonight. Yeah like that yeah. Capsule into that's how did you that was your kids. We may have once and I may have once had -- you that would your grandchildren -- strictest follow us on it I would you would do you would deny Reagan dinner he should she tell the truth. I don't fully but for a second you know you until it's Dickens before she goes -- -- as you know how. Some food up there are happy I didn't I didn't get her so we can sneak up to a later look like the hero I. -- I don't think we have it Ellis and -- RA -- that's how. I'm a Chinese can do it because that's how they were raised so they're repeating what they know yes we don't know how to deny our kids. Anything and we are the other end of the spectrum. And remain my answer the question is that it is a middle ground here and that's the answer -- the middle ground as he answered that we are as bad as this is this is bad I think I think it's wrong to focus exclusively. On external achievement. And I think it's wrong to focus exclusively on internal success which is what we strive for in our country. And we need to cut the split the difference between the two but it by the end -- okay so -- trying to find out how I'm only as Melancon. Edu son or daughter is rebelling against your encouragement all of the appropriate things not necessarily any and every call us. Lastly we'll tell you right outside just. I I don't see why the abuse nasty Jakarta the running away -- so what we do so what's the upside to us six year old kid. While -- the average mother for example in America today offers a fifteen or sixteen dinner options to her children to make sure she can find one. Then nobody makes dinner for the family and -- has everybody eat the same thing. Are you elect tonight I loved seeing the supermarket the little kids we carried choose a deal like this well -- like shares. Okay kids it's astounding isn't it -- as well as anyway -- for the three pretty ordinary you've got folks with ordinary sensibilities. -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- Life doesn't have to be that harsh we do need to teach kids real cause of the fact how about sending the favorite to a toy a doll house to the Salvation Army if again if the child can I would -- prison I would put the -- into prison but let me try and send it -- that brawl outside I would want the thing out there to be seen everything I have no access -- an -- behind bars locked up -- and -- gets released when you say you're a bit. Six how else is he sees what did that's better than sending the thing is solving our I don't know -- -- house. No breaks but thanks indeed that's out of a locked. -- he's from let me comes out from the -- and the hot thing in the country is strict Chinese parents you have four against 6172666860. Where weapon out and. And by the way -- I mean love to hear from for mothers and not just -- moms -- wanna hear from the other moms are you about I do you feel kind of like you've you've been slacking off the feeling. Embarrassed by. The you know the achievements at these families obviously have been able to. You know accumulate Dan good morning what's more important achievement on the external sensor -- -- a happy person. Well we all ought to be happy -- but you know when you look at her. Her message. There's they're a great article by David Brooks about. That they're -- she's denying her daughter and god knows what else she's tonight here but. Those things. However value and they have social value and it's specifically this sleepover and they're having Brandon. Basically negotiating your way through that in and out and trials and tribulations and politics. Group. So you're saying the mistakes and not have your child. Be doing sleep overs because you want everything to be about academic achievement. That's right that's personal individual achievement and what happens when you become a manager because -- achieved so much. And air force should be. They do manage a group. An aggregate or not -- -- to navigate yup I had a good point yeah but -- -- so that's you know your kind of hovering around the edges the -- the real point here is. -- this mother in this type of mothering has to do with denying any thing to your child or using any technique to get them to achieve. -- yeah most concrete ways and yes. Don't look -- gonna it is still you're gonna show them how to. It's no wonder that it's passed down from generation dirt generation just like violence as a means dual -- is a -- is -- Oh well now it's bad pitch but it bit extreme. If -- -- -- -- Well -- let you know as we look at extreme to get rich you bought your way this law. She's -- extreme she's making a kid learned to play the piano or the violin that sounds well around -- -- Which targets play any -- and we agree I would do exactly well but added that's a gift that a child takes through light sweet and higher. Kids those gifts just like Philadelphia to -- and a it has to do with India in the military. In sports in business and actually in academics. Post college. That because of the discipline in the structure -- Asian families relatives talking about hey that's individual and I don't understand group dynamics. And almost inability to improvise as the world doesn't present itself in a pattern. That Americans classic improvise is based upon you the socialization and a wide variety of things that we have. In ending in the Asian community structure structure structure and hierarchy the -- For a little rule -- on the idea that discipline somebody who slap. Is you fall in line it's like a military household your job is to achieve these things a play the Pittsburgh -- -- strangely violent and enjoy the -- -- but to no good -- no -- -- -- three hours today irreversible and -- can imagine -- Monica you know part of the problem is why we can't do it in this country -- his parents don't wanna -- that aren't sure that -- ultimately -- there really is a -- I agree with -- -- that takes that takes six spots are all my -- -- drained at the end of -- -- good -- -- do you think it's been a lot of work that -- -- they were raised that way. Ball themselves that those two things kind of treasure -- nominations the cast separate those out. But it's a hard thing even with discipline it's a hard thing to be consistent. And the kids are pushing all the time and looking at you. To see if you're gonna do today what you did yesterday -- -- -- good parenting is to become so consistent and we don't have the discipline we don't have the drive we don't believe an -- that deeply. Two XEQ effectively don't read or receiver. So. -- it's -- it's funny you say that out. Like you know what my chips -- put on the table of what the -- don't wake what on the table when did you go to bed -- -- the other -- into -- not being yardage. -- -- I was twenty year -- tonight. All the dirty children colonel Mike barber might Bob Bullock doesn't -- did you know what -- people are not your friend. Who know. Nice three I -- Not at the age of 27 you're -- could not accept the fact that you had so -- -- accumulated some -- knowledge. All are like -- got of the strict child are allowed to joke that it's all early off color blue moon looked every morning. How many times you saw that jokes and tough tough tough time. I cut up cut up. I don't totally troubled try to do our job to help I went and what my kids are -- which I went our way I would and the navy store widgets it. I think overly strict like I like big. I treat -- who are sometimes -- -- -- -- Christian school which school your job is to -- You don't give us an example of you being what your wife would call too harsh on your kids. Our are you an example they don't make good they don't they kept -- a little more than -- they don't go up to. That doesn't sound harsh that sounds like simple cause and it's their decision I love things that paradigms like -- see where you're basically saying it's up to you. And that's what they tell you to do with kids all the time and it works very well the outlook do you want to read one or the blow on what they forget they your only make it the year allowing them happen are -- -- one I -- you're given them the choice they love the choice you're having a good choice you wanna go right after school or not -- -- zero now out. To make any big trip between they kept out people. Of course I was a little 'cause you've given them a choice in February when they made their decision and they like gone out after school -- good job. What to have your wife calling so we can straight around Cathy good morning your NWR jail. I think it's about a different plan and that's what these Chinese kids learn and they can have their own don't -- Adobe that this valuable employee for an employee -- No kidding I don't know Canon when you're you know they they hit they argue though we have an America's you're gonna make an unhappy. Adult if you raise kids like this but we make unhappy adults there's no indication. That by. -- grow raising kids and marshmallow fluff. That they they end up being happier adults but wouldn't you rather be a successful adult in your misery have a lot of money and success around you. Then be a pour coach potato unsure can't see over their bellies of the tell. Questions. Listen to this a text message from seven anyone I was brought up in Poland the same way I came to USA not speaking English. Went immediately ecology and gratitude graduated valedictorian so I guess the polish have a downturn that's discussed how. Hot hot hot hot -- here Ryan Donahue RJ don't get me expelled valedictorian correctly I think he had seen did compulsive Jack Cust -- copy this -- is good I was mobile phone didn't tell us up on my god I Kevin. -- guys what's up what's it going to be triple would be my way or the highway approach because. You know that was -- much. Offered to me as a young adults and I -- so I. Know bears it's it was pretty much you may have acute over the exact. Here's why why I was -- now. Why it was that bad I mean do work out badly for you that you chose a highway. Her well it's. It's building eighteen years. And I I basically I I haven't spoken to my father you know wall not a. How old were you when you left Kevin Williams like sixteen and the rebellious stage we get 25. I mean what. How old William. I would -- -- -- about what he warned. About the problem as the guys who Garnett who younger brother. They've bought -- trying to watch what went on then they friction is you know what might have a point in -- followed Lee. You know a few years later themselves. So here's -- Barbara. A sixty something year old guy they'll he's got no kids when -- sold to. That's an online that's lonely that's loud like judge die easy he didn't do this although all the way that you're saying suddenly when you're 21 he was given year ultimatum but we're talking about. Endeavor real quickly -- entire life also worry about you know the -- strict disciplinary. Who was it for a particular outcome -- resisted did you see him in retrospect like abusive behavior. -- noticed just what benefit do you guys derive from having been raised by him. Extradition and what benefit did you get what they are great attributes do you have as a result of the discipline he taught you. I well I mean we turn out successfully in the end a much so sure it was from his discipline why not. Because I think what it that's -- and still -- wrong it just an early age so we got got and I think debt. But lessons of that carried us through the rest about life. But you know what the guy was just -- -- was joy it was person who was just a stern disciplinarian. And you know after we learn to -- from wrong if he can let up a little bit you know we turned out okay now. Was it was there a particular event was and -- -- to ought to bring home a girlfriend for a sleepover at the age of 21 and he says hey my way or the highway this is my house none of that just -- god. No let me tell you what would enjoy well what after after twenty years of being raised by this weird end up being -- -- on him you know by AM that's forty years. -- -- -- -- After my parents divorced and bought himself a girl graduate school yard -- And -- step back and watched him start the entire practiced all over. On these two young girl. In the right that they know what there's -- -- -- that are out there watching that's all over again and I left. Yeah I mean in -- his first set the kids -- got some new ones. That's what happened spots are great I'm I know that's really interesting story thank you for sharing that really -- barrier on atomic Todd. Yeah I want to weigh in under discipline thing I actually played very strictly optic seven trapped. I hate it like Bob Barker got -- he was so -- But you know he might least expect booked it I stopped buying and whining and what he it beat it but my life. This Asian and I think people -- you want any if Obama deploying. It could could he have done in such a way that do that would have liked to have the discipline that made you feel better about it. Well you know. -- -- will be a strong disciplinarian. And it was you know he has been jet to always I -- aching to be you know I'm open. Look at the end of the war I want to -- watt electric in the mail to eat I'm I'm I have I -- try -- both of my brother we. He's had a com hospital. You know we do okay and incredible -- you know -- can -- it really gives you can only hope to beat. -- congratulations. Mary that's a good story good counterpoint to what Kevin had to say. I actually don't think that the Chinese packing model is about a cheap but I think it's about. Helping your children to be the best that they can be which is usually better than they think. That's very interest and I checked it out on FaceBook you know we're online as well as where everywhere actually come to my attorney can check out wrko.com. On the Thomas Todd -- we've got a link to our FaceBook page. And now you can give us -- comment -- we've agreed that on the air just like -- text message Thomas -- we're gonna continue. But this conversation about the abuse of Chinese parenting -- -- you're for or against. Point 68 WR -- Only that their children are capable more than made. They are -- looking for your -- color 6172666868. Port Texas through six cities surgery.