May 24, 2016|
Love Letters - Meredith Goldstein, Boston Globe
Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.
All right it is now 907 and again day if you miss that in your view you can find it online at wrko.com. And you can Huard again there we wanna change gears because this is the time of the week. We always have our good friend Meredith Goldstein on to talk about love letters of interest to see you good morning. I solve this. Letter yesterday. I said the headline to the guys. Bibi immediately is like oh boy that's occurred and David was like well I home that's a black and white. The pop up while we instinct in yesterday's letter came in from a woman who has been seen again for very long time long distance. She thought they were exclusive and found out that he is engaged. And basically now she's saying oh well now it clearly been dating somebody else with beyoncé. Should it reach add to this woman and tell her about how long relationship that was exclusive with the man she intends to marry. And I get this letter a at veto a version of this letter a few times a year where someone knows petite has taken part in that seat. And says to me should I talents at my obligation to tell the other person. That there was someone who is into it and it's it's like there's no really could insert the breach I mean she could reach out and say. And the dating your husband in the lamented her fiance and the woman could say I don't believe you. If you can further. Tangle herself into this mess of affairs. Or she could just walk away feeling out as a woman out there who doesn't know what she married so you know curious to know what you guys think are are you obligated areas that you're duty details that you. I think it's a very simple answer actually. Yourself. The other woman's shoes and make a decision based and you feel about it would you ignore which of course I would I would do. Because if he's doing that when you're engaged which he get married shock me be the shock me I sit on your faith is is not black and white like you tried to put forth day I think this is very complicated. Thing. First of all Wendy geno and what did she diamond and east did she continued their relationship after finding out this knowledge she ended immediately because that's important it sounds to me you know granted she's in June there be huge if usually specific utility partly to shoot it when I identified because of accidentally but. It sounds like she called up this relationship once she'd. And now and fairly recently so she's saying. Okay how are now yeah I think the ethical thing to do is to tell but I don't think it's as simple as you just pick. It's Kathy Lewis and I live in Utah line you don't know me but I've been would your husband. That's not easy and you would Meredith just touched on is. Clay also aren't you get there at you what if you get I you can share gives bang up to you keep calling like how persistent are you are. I get the hang of it to hang up but I think we have to try and and by the wave my answer is not always with these questions to disclose you know a lot of times. People right in saying I'm a friend of a couple and I know that one of them is treating Harry did fall off my answer is stay out of it. Right you know and and so it really depends on the case but in this case even if you get the clinic at least keep track. Actually feel like because she's a stranger and you don't know her it's easier to do because if you typically what do you care. I mean you're not vested this woman but you know you're just doing the right thing so you call and say look I had no idea. That he was married or he was engaged and by the way he does it make any attempts to let anyone know he's engaged and you should know that. Because he may very well be traveling on a regular basis once you walk down now be doing the exact same thing not making any efforts to let anybody know. Why then that person to would help their situation that they preface it by saying listen I'm not gonna judge you by your response to this information that I'm gonna share with you. Button I'd been dating your fiance for X period of time you do with that information what you feel is right you know a lot of people unfortunately. They get very vengeful and they now wanna ruin not just his life but everything and all the technical that surround him and I just. My feeling on the here's this discussion and immediately is picturing Cameron Diaz and Christina Applegate. Because of that movie where this happened no way that they don't know I mean I mandate to death and exactly as it you know that they aren't. Yeah I mean I don't I don't defend ourselves up. Who. Yes and I think that yet in this case to me the know your own intentions known that you need to. You know you're out of this at this point right you know if you tell you shouldn't be because you want to Peru and relationship in my theory and right absolutely just. That comment as we take that you know and I and I trust your commentators because they're not on the radio right now hearing you know they're not exposing themselves with their opinion there are so. I'm shocked a lot of people would say to her kind of stay out of it. I think a lot of people feel like you know like you party had six years of deceit. And just Politico and I think they're they're trying to protect that the letter writer to some extent of the system of your business and how would you reach out and. It is a good question you mentioned the clack in my mind. There was no phone call there was an email or FaceBook message I couldn't even imagine the phone conversation you guys would make the call. Not so easy to get hung up on and harder maybe to get a number I don't know what's. Amazing too is that the it's scary to think about how many of these situations are going on as we speak well Bartolo Cologne and the Mets pitcher that we just found out that this. Some I double life candidate did I would give back to Charles Kuralt. They don't flied out to the funeral. Then he had exacting fan my entire second and neither of them knew about their I mean I don't know how that movie hasn't been made yet but. It's crazy how many of these it's not always Tiger Woods where she picked up the phone and in rise or windows smashed and we go from there. These go on for long periods of time and people are able to pull this off for a long time I am way too lazy to have. I'm gonna tell I can't control what am I edges and it's nice thirteen. The WRKO boston.com morning show. 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Wait a rough day it's just traffic and weather whenever. On the WRKO lap. Are you boston.com morning show where he. Conversations there Goldstein from. I love letters and we talked about you know when things. Let's and we know that you've been having an affair with your fiance and. I think people realize like during the breaks you know I don't talk call line Dave as we don't even as even in the world are nonetheless I talked to you wouldn't want a microphone here you can't stop what Meredith you would you agree a package I gave you a hundred of the letters that she gets in a weekly basis you be like this is all there is keep them coming when I. Honestly I grow up I want the American UISI. Dad's had. I want a piece of the love letters action I want or on a look I get like a cameo blog and nobody knows who the hell I am and what's your take on stuff. I got really good takes so I think that's just take care of your own situation higher valid. You don't become a commentary in your real name Long Island and Dave when you told your way out of Reno when you guys have maybe two Nickels to rub together and that's where you not in a position to do yeah I'm not a joke how. That was a joke now Meredith that we needed the edit I will tell his fiancee and mentally I don't think of it. Marriage for our offense so it's about preannounce the acting credits and huge laughs are so we're look at all of our latter because it got weird. For another segment and this was last Thursday dating someone with an illness yes so if I can save it one of my most common. Questions is that's they've been cheating it probably the second or third most common question I get is about illnesses and and is what's interesting to me is when we started this column I I didn't know what to despite the letters but. Many people are out there dating with a chronic ailments. And they have no idea how to go about meeting someone for the first time and sharing sharing part of themselves you know when they disclose it. You know in this case it's among rating and who who is saying I am in excellent. So within illness and it's going to take atonement relationship. I do love this man am I terrible person for thinking am I want an easier life. So a chronic illness what what what do you get examples. You know I've had letters from people with them Massa had letters from people when they you know Crohn's Disease IE name it things that you know illnesses that might flare up and mail I've heard her make like difficult for maybe a few years at a time and maybe as they get older. You know. All all sorts of different illnesses and it and it's a really interesting thing because. You know what they feel like. Are they obligated to say on a second date hey there's this thing and I sometimes have to do it. And you know at my advice is to them that it's you know. It is as big of deal as you make it and for some people will be a very big deals on people will not want to date you because of that and some people think who cares and I you know we all we all have to deal with many different things and and this is this is. Which you deal with. In this case I thought it was a lovely very honest letter from someone saying I really love the person who and but I have these doubts about what it's going to be like. It sounds like she's been in a previous relationship that they took a lot of work for some reason so you know my advice to her was. Eat eat eat if you know you love this for sure to be with them you're gonna have to take all the comes with it and and I think that you know it can be incredibly difficult the end. In a relationship with someone where you want to but the role as caretaker I mean if that's you know if that's what happens but. You know I think it for some people. A deal breaker might be the fact that the person has children wore an extended family that needs help for some people they wouldn't think of dealing with a illnesses as hang up at all you know it's just a part of who they yard so. I and I think it's just one of them the shocking things that the congress how many people read this letter about you know. Not not I am I'm with a spouse and dealing with a silver spiked to go for states and worry about top turn up as. Look I went to Hamilton College their motto which hours hours week but as I get older and start using more and more on their motto is known by itself. You gotta now OK if I'm in my point in my life Ron dating I'm doing it for foreigners border whenever. Okay if I'm looking for serious relationship and I don't wanna be someone's caretaker debt they have a lot of that early you are doing the other person a disservice by sticking around and trying to well maybe lets you see if likely get a lot of our way you've heard this not fool you're not you'll get exposed in you'll do more damage the longer that goes on biggest. Also important not to assume that yulia caretaker I mean this person has lived alone before you show up and to assume that that. You know all the burden will be on you is kind of a little bit of narcissus and cared and really talk of prison what is being. It what does this mean for stating so don't make any assumptions about what you're gonna be obligated to I think. Though you are really good point I mean. There are things that maybe others might consider lesser that bring people up for example if you have children. Are you come to a relationship with that or you know whatever these kinds of things will break a couple of papers usually something right. So I think a lot of people might have a little guilt that they sent to someone will have to start making do with your chronic illness but I guess a lot of things hunting problem. Yes indeed against the chronic illness person by our best there was that one merit which is when do you tell somebody where I know this about me bought. Because is not a first date. It's not on the fifteenth day it's got to be somewhere in between and when do you dropped that on somebody because. It is the game changer and I think you know my prices usually when it would come naturally witches is not always hoping that happens people urgently I mean I just came from disappointment for the following reasons. Just think that you really have to make peace with your own status that we when you discuss that with someone. It isn't this and at the world with closed. I think sooner than later is a better policy got to make sure you're comfortable when his presence of the year even going to be and it. Once you get past the gee I like this person and I'd like to see where this can go I think you right then you've got an ironic. A date for so long that I've forgotten what all the others but I can't imagine that it's on the first day because if I was dating someone said to me by the way I have whatever. Okay an illicit comes up analysts are talking to pay for the bill and being analyzed that's and now we all important to me that early OK I get dialysis twice a month say like. You know at some point you wanna do the right signals that this is why can't traveled. In certain times because I need to be year close to a night. That stuff doesn't have to come up at some point and it can't be after you good jokes in new home because now you have. Not become somber few kind of Jack and what am I gonna do here you gotta be up front yet. And I think the bid more comfortable you are talking about it with friends and family and other people the more comfortable you'll be. You know immunity to again it just has to be this horrible shameful disclosure and I think that you know. People can tell you're comfortable with what you have to do for yourself. They might yet but the flip side of this is I don't think you have to be considered yourself a horrible terrible personal had a saying I am I. You know I wish you the best of luck in this has been terrific but that's not something that I can in my life for a lifetime. Says yeah. -- happen now that's mighty issue and I think that us kids yes but with an illness does someone say yes they want and they say I think as did water really that women would I think they'd just walk away at your third eight and it's not working for that reason or any other and I have to believe me -- standard for example that comes up because your jacket don't always chose its of that wasn't deal breaker for you know like we got past that pretty quickly time did I actually would you agree with me though I think men walk away from that more than women would I don't think woman says that she has some kind I think. The amendment more rattle than what it is a caretaker anyway. That's who she I don't it's an event out of our DNA it's equal opportunity walking away camps are I don't and I think it's a low percentage doesn't mean in the long run but I don't think the conversation almost never liquidity to the right to I don't return these interesting that this woman this letter writer is worried about it because she's dealt with this kind of thing before so it brings up memories I think that for someone maybe who has done this and can't do it again that person is male or female in its. I think really it's also about history usually things get easier to them when you do them over and over him but if someone has rejected you because that's got to be done tomorrow hard the next time around because it's an elephant in a row yes that's right yeah maybe you're right here that what he may just walk up to someone so election others right now. Or I'll stay out like I did not and and tell people our products are an idea because I just I can't I can't go through an attic and a rejection again and I always tell people with chronic illnesses not that's in the that's the reason usually if you're totally you know head over heels for someone you've had a wonderful that you're going to be. Excuses can find reasons to see him for reasons to leave so it it's often it was that they were interested anyway you must heating getting that letter that's like we actually have that feeling when you respond to somebody because they have issues a new era cliche as you're. The zone in your. I am I didn't know feelings for the rest of them now I have constantly constantly dealing. Another thing is don't respond back you're creep get out of here and move on she has got all of this my colleagues from manner that just that problem that he had with his wife and I didn't know zoom out and so now it is reality it's happening up miracles big hits love letters -- taken out of boston.com. And also wears in the Boston Globe thanks Meredith thank you.