WRKO>Audio & Video on Demand>>"Don't Live with Abuse" - Wendy Murphy

"Don't Live with Abuse" - Wendy Murphy

Apr 29, 2016|

"Don't Live with Abuse" - Wendy Murphy

Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

790 here on the WR you know boston.com morning show Paul isn't haunt this morning Paula good morning your WRKO. You want to start a couple times to make no law. I'm I'm really glad that you had that last caller on the I am I believe very much if he had been important to convict or trading oracle C it is just they are just a piece of paper. Years ago I I was a ball you're actually hear what our school. If my count there via government reform class and I am I Paul Pierce the other the attacker. Then. A lot of things like tricked up from the that the instructor and from some of the women who hear some of them had been involved in domestic violence because common interest for a period and also the current. Some of the things I picked up was there a lot of these these abusive. Is abusive man. Don't escalate directly to murder don't go. Escalate directly true assault. It's dark with your belief nightfall Calder Colin Powell sir you know gold by the work there he is escalates incrementally. So I think fifty. Big gash or somebody is is gonna just be enough case and you're push somebody in broad daylight gas of course string or private gonna stop that. Put in a lot of these incidents that you can see both statistically and anecdotally in my whole you know I don't experience. I promise. If you have any harsh consequence what the charge of violating your strength in order you can try to yep a lot of these incidents in the butt. Coordinates get there are so I I do I think it's chaotic it really critical component in teacher in the top defense around Europe other domestic violence and I which. Our marriage you know normally I'm a father the daughter as well. So I signed up for something like that and I am picturing in this because I think they're not only is it important church each woman all schools that are available to them prevent the escalation of assault. I would I would encourage everybody looked into some kind of self defense class themselves could is as important as it is to know how to who worked courts about a poster just ultimately poolside. I feel a lot better knowing that not only does my daughter knows that machine can also get a break your nose to spite your listing to result enough time to get away right. A great call a Wendy Murphy continues to it to be with us this morning. Windy that that was absolutely right you know I hate seems to needed these cases they don't just they're not just murder they do escalate right we can you can watch them. Yeah I'm so glad. Duck caller said that it's a critically important point that if you read did their research. The guys will tell you be abusive men who will tell you. That. The only thing that matters to the only things that they thought about in terms of not escalating their behavior or not committing more abuse. Was what the consequences question I mean they only cared about getting in trouble and if you know that that's what the guys are saying that the only reason they might not. Beat or kill a woman is fear of getting in trouble that then you have to get them at least. Thinking that the that the trouble is going to be. It is gonna beat Bear Bryant and what we have a Massachusetts this revolving door at the courthouse the message the guys that this. All hitter the first time you won't even get arrested. Hitter the second tiny might get arrested but she'll drop the charges hit for the third time you might get arrested you might have to stay in the case for a couple of weeks but that she can drop the charges. The end the end game here is. Every abusive manner Massachusetts knows he can beat the hell out of a woman. Over and over and over again for years which is beaten number one reason why it escalates could they know they got away with it at that level. And the next level and the next level and if the messages you can get away with it and it's increasingly more violet you're doing it over and over again and our revolving door is still going. Why wouldn't you keep deserved. Wendy let me get Anthony from Medford in and by the way are number 6172666860. He did he'd like to. Addressing directly what we're talking about here with Wendy Murphy your share when your stories Anthony good morning. When we have all applaud you for bringing this issue to light because initial called AGQ liberal called Waltham Massachusetts the war on women. It is these men who continually. And it's a big go long for a decade. Because they depend on the government I have known for just such a shortage of strongman healthier food is a great thing. These poor girls have fathers who have abandoned them they don't have uncles or Brothers or grandfather even needed that step parents say you touch my daughter again. Like in the garden club that you're gonna die. And that will skip people. If you noticed they don't really beat up by gauge his daughters because they know. Pilot's gonna come back at them in the biggest bullies. These men who after they look at the court system in the prosecutors and judges they just block. And they say that's what you do to me it's human nature. Human nature of the fight and get away with something my can become much spiritual and I all of sudden spot. We have an epidemic in this country to walk on women is in the workplace it's these abusive men and it may happen in the workplace. That they can have all been an advocate young age so. Wendy gee you know he's absolutely right evade the terrible part is that so frequently these women are free even. You would you don't even tell they had you don't even telling your brother you don't tell they may Wear or the highway. Right yeah. I mean that was such an important phone colleges logic guests and an I love that the guys are speaking out we think this is in men vs women issue it isn't. Some of the best advocates for this issue are the men who are saying why are the barbaric guys getting a pass at the courthouse and the good guys. Are being lumped together with that we really do have to differentiate and be clear. That the reason guys do this is because they Kia because they want to control the women and they do because there. They are absolutely picking on the defenseless to vulnerable women more often and strong until we have to be. Honest about it sometimes it's the strongest women in the wealthiest communities and who don't say anything out of fear of being ashamed oh my goodness I don't want my neighbors to know how those might lifestyle a lot of very wealthy women are being abused and may never speak out. But what matters most. Is what this man said is if you work criminal justice system is not responding if it's a laughingstock. If Whitman know they will not be protected in the bad guys know they're never gonna get in trouble. You end up with vigilantism. You end up with guys like like the man who just called and reaching out to the bugs. The organized crime people you know. Want to step up and say you'd think because the judge what you walk out that courthouse story you're gonna keep your keep doing it now come outside of the security that's a problem. Vigilantism as wrong. But when it happens it's because the legal system it's. It failed or how often do you see that from the social stigma as Wendy's did the women from the U select communities that the leafy suburbs don't wanna command because they are afraid they're gonna lose that lose their lifestyle. Well it's okay it's served very prize that problem in this state and most. I see a lot to it you can imagine. You can imagine the riddle they're reluctant to make a big deal about it too because the women really do want to put up with whatever they have to put up with to maintain their lifestyles. To keep the children and there homes and schools systems. But I get those calls all the time all the time and the women that called me about. Their extra concerns because they do live in wealthy communities like Belmont Wellesley west and what they tend to fade media's. As soon as my kids are out of school and go to aren't gonna leave as soon as that happens I'm gonna leave. But for now I really have to just manage the situation what what advice do you have for me and it would be just heartbreaking. Conversation to have. Because the because they're nervous samples strange but. You would think that women. In wealthier communities would have more resource is to get what they need. But because of that extra stigma and the extra consequences. Of having to especially take your children out of there the circumstances. Those women are often abused at much higher levels on average but we don't have good data because it's not measured and it's not spoken about. Windy out unfortunately we're about out of time here but I if we have a listeners in you just know that we do we have women right now we're listening in know exactly what you're talking about him. Either it's them it's their sister it's there you know it's her best friend. What it in a short amount of time here what is your advice what should those women do today. Well you know first and foremost to help people. They've been number one problem for abusive men prefer for women in terms of how to stop abusive man. Is that demand think nobody knows and equipment that they are not gonna tell to tell a lot of guys who are. K Howard's because they pick content. Vulnerable people including their wives or girlfriends. They expect nobody to find out and where and when the public finds out what their friends and family find out. Sometimes they'll pull back the behavior it's win others you know they don't wanna be judged harshly by others they don't mind being the bad guy just a woman took to help people tell people you trust. Reach out for help. And make friends with the police department I mean the women. Who are afraid to tell has happened option which is too good to talk to your local police department to especially if they do. Community policing go to your police department and say I'm not here to get a restraining order and not here to report domestic abuse. I'd like to talk to someone about the situation could sometimes cops can help manage things without necessarily escalating its to a criminal prosecution. But but more important than anything else. Is don't live with abuse don't live with violence always do see something whether it's getting a restraining order. Reaching out for help to a counselor calling an attorney who like to meet and believe me there's lots of free lawyers out there are so any of your colors that needs some free advice. Please call me I do about 80% pro Bono work as a lot of the women don't have money. And I can always help you find some read my door so please call me at New England law Boston helped do it for free. I'll help you reach out for resources to help you find a solution. And did what you can't do it the worst of all for any victims is to live witness in silence because your kids are gonna learn that that's. But that's the right course. Sponsors they think that's the way that good era and it will be too generational in that Wendy Murphy thank you so much for being part of the show this morning we really appreciate an important subject for every one. It is now 730 here on the W ArQule boston.com morning child.