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Love Letters - Meredith Goldstein, Boston Globe

Apr 5, 2016|

Love Letters - Meredith Goldstein, Boston Globe

Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

I'm nineteen you're in the north of Austin got a morning show loop. I don't know if you've ever been on the mayor that's been on their vehicles to hit even on with cured it or not we've crossed path yet she's won one of one of the few who's managed to avoid me well. I think she was so afraid you'd have so many relationship issues that there would be enough time and again. The first thing she said to me is I cannot solve all of loose relationship issues today it's a lot all right well we don't know why I have figured it out and it's one sentence and I've said before. About marriage marriage in a sentence it is not a war. A it says he's not here not that there some truth of that vertical scene from love letters joining us this morning in the before we get started talking about this week's. And most specifically today's letter I wanna talk to Meredith she leaves your last week. And she's back on ten minutes and suddenly I pick up something and it says Meredith has announced that she's writing a book yeah. Mikey Howell all I know it was a secrets I couldn't say it I would I had it awaits them this week so yes love letters kind of a very big book deal. So there will be a love letter spoke and what that means is essentially it would just be compilation of the best of columns because it or columns. Exist online until we wouldn't wanna pack it something that already existed for free online but. You know it's a lot of upbeat eat behind the scenes stuff it's a lot of memoir it's a lot of lessons that I learned from her in the column for seven years so. You know readers will get sort of an inside look of of you know what does this mean and I am right now that the tentative title is you should have called me and Hooper lessons from the front lines of advice column and that relates to that letter that I think was last year that. A woman erred in saying that she had been intimate with a man midweek and she knew she'd get up in the morning to ship is going to go home and should newly dating this person and she was upset that he hadn't called her new Burke. And that was the sort of modern day act of chivalry that she felt she was owed and to me that was just. And it is a stick just pizza 2000. I mean it's a daily basis is this that the new opening the door for someone and and I and I. And it was it was very strange because the commentators really are baffled about you should you call someone in Newburgh. Calero who were suddenly it was this suggestion that. A feminist would call their own Hoover and what and what did it means so. You know that's where the title comes from and down. Yes so I'm minority having its it wouldn't congress because you need to know her destinations and you'd need to know her address where well hopefully at the point where where you're calling to maneuver after that type into an act you do know where she'd lilies and other. Is it your relationship an hour I'm island new but feeling significance. You know I knew I wasn't the sleepovers at. Anyway to its exit letters that still brings up one to beat but I'm never let me go back to the book to win is it released when will lead me let them we think I'm in the process of rating it so we think next fall or early spring 2018 which seems like very far away but. It's actually not accurate and Glaxo. You know. Hope you know hopefully sometime next year or or early two as eighteen senators. Just aggressive splits that I'm all for technology I embrace that love technology but. This to be said we cannot lose the walk of shame to. Oh relationship with me while I do believe there slides to the walker should there isn't over if she came right back. Right out or lift of shame and I whatever whatever companies choose our camp the team that. Yet know it's it's we do that Lou as you have been picked you up a block away. Don't walk couple blocks canonized that's right you put it. She's up to walk to get you out beat him a moral high gas at the we have been dropping off. Broccoli or that the man and a salad. AM but I'm but can't I'm gonna redolent of the you know I wanna I wanna really tackled gender in the book and talk about. You know when I started this column I didn't really know would there be do what I be able to make big generalizations about men and women 'cause I really despise self help books that are men are from. Mars and women are a mean girl from earth for as far as I know it. I thought I would not be able to make big generalizations but sometimes I can't and a and it you know breeders' often will say to me well I think you're easier on women than you are men and Sosa with a gender issues. You're really appealed to me and just also some of the trends you know doesn't trip we've talked about here you know technology how it affects our dating life. You know for better and worse so all of those things are really wanna tackle on the books a non interest dating. Over the generations and what I mean by that is to make it more precise is. First time I ever did I dated someone and I AM traditional person and I recent years he picked up her pick carpet after that there house or their apartment or ever. And the first I was living in Southern California. Woman says to me was. I will meet you with aha is a first for me when I never would have happened traditionally. And then she explained to me it was for safety reasons and if she's not having fun she can get the heck out of me and why would it again other occasions she decided to stay a little longer. But it was a it was she's had all her friends were doing it now this was you know like 1015 years in a little more that twenty years ago now. That but that was you know people you don't get picked up at home that I they meet at police. You all being integrated era and generation where PP please delivered their parents when they were dating sir it was a safety is that there were people a community people who were watching them get in the car right that the exist anymore. Well it's you know it's really interesting and the whole dating thing back in the in the book completely separate and how dating is changing generations. Hulu to your point my sister. Is a single mom now. In her forties and dating again exact same situation the last time she 88. Someone picked her up at mom and dad's house right. And now she never allows anyone to come to her house after she doesn't want to reveal where she lives she has children you know if she doesn't she like she always meet someone and she always wants that ability to leave. If in fact she decides this is not right for her. So it is so if you're watching discovery ID channel yeah. Up up up up to me it can also a little over the top weapons safety Craig button and oh I don't blame you so much of the old rules of chivalry art you know their. They involved generals that don't exist anymore you know eating is change for young people to I mean I am amazed I've got you know and I've nineteen year old freshman college. And a freshman in high school. And I am amazed that they even if they attend formal audiences now with no date you know I never I never with to a formal audience without a duty. And I write ideas I think I was I think I might have been one of I've you know I'm 38 and I think when I did it was not popular but I honestly and accurately but I wanna go I France. But my nephew went to and his friends they would go to the prom they all went stagnant and no one day deal with a limo and no there was no shame. It is indeed it's like five guys in the limo and they were all friends and Everett it was a bunch of other people you girls went together veolia active girls back guys it was very common. Candidates. So things have changed a lot but our plan you are automatic thing can. We'll look forward to that that's to Renault now today's like by the way if you have any questions for merit it feel free to shy call six or 76 X 6860. To access its exe takes eighty. She would be happy to answer your questions. And it would be equal dead letter today which is great walking on eggshells around my boyfriend and the question as to whether. You should walk on egg shells about on a set up the premise we're gonna take a break. And we'll come back and talk about it. The bottom line here is that the Xeon person. Who is dated this guy for ten years he has his share of issues in her Chinese media little you know depression little self hate. She feels like she walks on egg shells all the time. Trying not to point these issues out and maybe help him rectified and am in my summing it up in basically a point where after ten years they're ready to get engaged so she's wondering who addressed these issues the fact that whenever she calls him on anything he freaks now you know he might throw something right. He feels depressed you feel sulfate. You know cutting deal with this before engagement I've got an answer it's pretty simple but Alberta dressed up. All of Everett hit. Six of 17666868. To number it is now I'm 927 here on the WRKO boston.com morning show. Your opinions on everything. Everything. York no I mean that's I am glad you know the play a lot of people go to the play. It's a wonderful play on actually when the plane was in town a few months ago. I did talk back after so. Yeah you know I think and had seen it at a few different times with with different would there renders an actor and always always high profile people love to play this yes and eight it's amazing to see this thing play. Done by different act different actor and a different actress and it's it's like seeing something totally new and it's and it's the same place it's it's a great player when he was Aaron and Ryan O'Neal was in his here rally -- girl out aren't like some very interesting you know demand that they have best air love story I mean I was doing and I don't I and I'm not surprised how many people wanted to play just enough to memorize anything your view that you know for those who don't know the play involves like reading letters so. Now on. Okay today's letter which you can find online folks I'll walk I walk on eggshells around my boyfriend and we sort of give your synopsis before we went to the break but the bottom line here is that they've been dating for ten years or about to get gauge for different cuts and self Haiti's got a little soft depression if she brings it up he throws a hissy fit what should she do. What why you say what you told her well. You know it's interesting a lot of the common enters. Really spin buys this woman to end the relationship after ten years saying their demise saying that you know of this guy throws a temper tantrum when she brings up something as you know Monday in his seat into the laundry that he you know goes into these bouts of self page and you know it's not so much it's on anger directed at her but it's our students and himself I can't do anything right it'll throw something in other saying this is not a good relationship. My thought was. That you know this letter writer didn't spend any paragraphs talking about my she's been with him pretend it's clearly there are other things happening. And it doesn't sound like they've had any professional help at all so my advice to her for better or worse was to do. Do counseling as a couple before you make the decision packeting engaged. Because I don't know what what this guy's capable of you know sometimes she says as she scared at times she started times and you know but it seems as though. She's looking for guidance and tools to deal this and so is he so to me sure if she if she was breaking up was on the table and I certainly wouldn't say no but you know I like to give people advice that they might actually taken. And if she's thinking about getting engaged this guy there's clearly a lot that's making her wanna stick around so. I think it. Going to professional together going to couples therapist will push them in one direction or the other Billy the break up very quickly or they'll leave with the tools. To deal with this. See this is why she's so good at this I know because. I never get to stop to think about the not assert the constant thing but the first thing you said was in her letter she never mentioned any of the good things about their relationship there clearly aren't and sometimes people don't because. Because they've they've dismissed the good things because they're ready to move on in with this letter I wasn't so sure she seems to be saying it. There is this one issue. It's a huge issue but I want them with a professional to figure this out you know it can't miss being directed it it's possible but gosh if they get in there. Then the break up becomes very quick and so you know he's after reading to toe with these letters and you know. If she's on the fence about getting engaged a break up does not really on the table right now it might be which he gets into a therapist's office but it seems to me that she needs to get there. You know in an accent unity might get in there when this person and the therapy this might say you know I also advised east seek counseling on your own which would be all right it seems like she's missing a lot of information. And tools. I was just you know give someone if an individual has those kinds of issues that kind of resolve those themselves totally so. You know really a partner in a relationship marriage can't be on the table right now and and they need help so you know again I think readers are quick to say break up and it's not that I don't feel that way I just think that's now on the table for a break up if you can't resolve this it can't resolve it and an. And if she had written in and then I'm thinking about breaking up with him I probably would have said it's a really good hot and she doesn't say that so you know the question is what should she do. It's just tough because if they've been in a relationship that long that they're considering engagement and I also vowing not deal with that I don't know her age but they don't know if this could be a first relationship that is contained islands aren't these. That's the tip my hat for what you do because you really have to decipher what do you read between the lines fresh so to speak because in this in this era of heightened sensitivity where people are offended where. You know someone might think an abusive relationship is is the guy is messy around the house and you know way kids need their safe space in college now I mean how do you determine whether abuses really abuse well I. You know it's it's difficult and I don't want any letter writer to be in position where they're afraid. It isn't it interesting some become enters said you know there's a very big difference between him. Directing is anchored frustration at her and himself. You know that that really the concern is is he going to hurt himself. You know because all of this is you know he says I'm terrible I'm stupid I you know that this is what bothers him you know it's it's. It's self criticism. And that it for some of the come enters that was a big difference if he's not doing it on his own time he's doing in front of her series I was want a current need that want to turn now see that destructive side of right and also you know some reader said that's manipulative because it nice I can remember speak out about her concerns because he makes it all that him right -- there ever a relationship that's not worth going to counseling deceit shirtless in cut your losses are planning to gather often. Often and I mean. You know in this case I actually if you find to gas I would say that you know going to a therapist's office would make it pretty clear that this relationship shouldn't but sometimes you need to get there and ordered me at the ten years is what he may do you say. Go see if there isn't she just doesn't. It seems as though breaking up is not on the table for he never mentions it. Really she's saying what I do about this before I get engaged so to her the engagement is is of not just a possibility that a probability. And that's why I want her to to seek super couple off so your you know your girlfriend is not your mother like she doesn't need to BB. You know I mean my gosh I can write a book about it. Just that. I'll and you happen to be writing about aviation group that brand I mean it sure. Yeah I mean this misses you know and I think that often when we date someone very young in the relationship continues. Sometimes patterns you know yes or maintain. Ideas you guys merit you can do holes here you can you can go around the world think about how how on that just opened my greens that would Davidson think about how mothers maybe there Italian sons in the country of Italy you that you could do a whole series on this I would get travelman with a bad idea that. Awesome about that it yeah I think at a it's I am looking to merit if you analyze this one is one of those that sparks a lot of time. Advice because they're looking at how many their responses you've had today hourly and very likely has a very quickly PL Larry you know a lot of people apparently their relationship but again I think she probably well but you know after ten years of continued their party and we cue up a little and all the text you said run. Basically today in nicer terms and basically you know and it's an and again I'm I'm we of them but if you know we only hear the bad stuff often so people say run every day hate imagine if we we always were and now that's true picture. I think department probably I'm looking in the comment or as one of the things it's. Concerning to a lot of the commons is the fact that she uses the term scared yes there's that one lot here where there aren't she says you know he says I you know he would never. He would never you know hurt me walled if you have to say yeah that's and a so we. My big concerns right exactly and then as the guys like America excellent quick level weather story short of the play short and I was out of I was out of bed and breakfast as Martha's Vineyard there and it was it was some years ago and I'm and you would everybody have breakfast in the morning every he's chatting and and getting to know each other and it was a woman their lovely moment. And who it was talking with her and I'm look I'm a big Lou Gehrig and Pride of the Yankees one of my favorite movies executed. And and I look at her and I think she used to say Hugh remind me you know Teresa really. And she looked in his stead because I am Teresa right. Yeah I hope my game. We sections like so you know yeah the talking what are you doing in town she was appearing in love letters. In the vineyard and I didn't even know it was playing. Which got me tonight because it is one of my favorites as I said and you don't we went to see her and and and no disrespect to the that a male actor but for the life of me. I could see his face and I saw a space on line I can tell you I can't remember I liked her but it was it was just wonderful it was wonderful intentions she may rest in peace he's gone now but it was brilliant as he heard images like. A time warp because I've always known Teresa right in The Pride of the Yankees and now practiced with her pick the sixty years later whatever it was. And I was one island and we went to see her in love letters and and she was brilliant as was the male actor but I apologize we can't remember me are they'll just tell us the truth did she slip is subjective tonight there could save our or did you live at the box office or how this all work out. We didn't get them for free we got a discount. There and if there you go she did she put you put him but you know it was more. You have to support the community Playhouse yet so there was like a courtesy discount but since the money goes towards funding the community playoffs which was small. Age you know you don't mind payments like it you know Broadway when they could you know one tickets not I did a community it day. I've been a man over there on the fun little place at at the cool places the show moments ago through live thank you. Some humanity in the. Up up about it but it comes out we'll settle. Merited a great great like always. Always mean to ask you can't if people wanna send you a letter how about doing it go to Boston com slash level others it's has sent a letter on top and there's a great little EZ form okay ground and know he sees it with me. So don't forget about that and win every time. We do this I've always liked my mind to start stirring up all these different scenarios that don't like to rush to judgment. But now thinking to myself like she got all the important points in the you know why would she talk about. Necessary all the good things she's thinking or some promise in this email Meredith never gonna get back to me image how many emails do you get about the stuff I mean it depends it depends I try to get back to everybody so it's kind of cut to the chase you know. You are in their position to prime rate if some people do you share that itself some people down you know if you're wondering how long I wish they'd try to make. The email at least 200 words it's hard to get a real problem now under tend to under boards so. Yeah that if you go to Boston com slash love letters you can you can find it and send me some of letters. Next year hopefully or early 2018. Will now. Meredith thank you great to see like on the way through check out published ticket policy duck communal secede. In the Boston Globe is that 44 and the W mark you know boston.com more action. And six EW RKO. Reset and.